The Lagos I know

 

 

 

 

It took a while before I could differentiate the commercial vehicle operators from the popular Agberos…

 

Every driver was an Agbero, well.. sort of and every Agbero without a vehicle was a driver of some sort.. they just took time out to bully one another whenever they are happy. This I thought and let it pass by continually… both party, when looked at somewhat, were always aggressive, dirty and of no justifiable moral conducts. Poor spoken English and lot of foul obscene languages of course. Until recently…

The passengers are the ‘final consumer’ of the terror that is unleashed from above. The drivers are the ‘middle men…’ for the sake of this piece; the Agberos are the sole producers of the terror. You don’t judge a man’s action, you judge his motives, you don’t judge a man’s motive, you judge his action… Whichever school of thought you deem fit, the drivers have to do what they have to in other to survive.

 

 

Every other Motorist is wrong except for the one which steers you

 

As long as I am in that vehicle, my driver can’t be wrong… The only thing wrong with anything is the inability of other motorists to use their steering wheels properly. If it were possible, from the reactions they give whenever they are in defense of their drivers, passengers wouldn’t mind alighting so as to “spoil the rod and spare the child”

 

 

Anything to keep the vehicle moving

 

“Driver, this holdup is getting out of hand, I have an appointment by 8am, se e le gba one way ni (can’t you use the one-way route)” says the man in the front seat. Driver gives it a second thought, while he is still weighing the pros and cons of disobeying the traffic rules; another voice seconds the motion…“This is 6am, Lastma never show na”. The obedient ones reply, “shey you will come and collect the steering, I have family at home and I cannot let my vehicle be impounded because of your impatience.” But the crazy ones, the Agbero-like ones just do it. Sometimes, they get lucky, sometimes they don’t…

 

 

Nothing really causes the hold ups

 

People sitting on a spot for over 2 hours is not a story made up, it is as real as GEJ being the president…And when you get to the source of what you think is causing the hold up, you become dumbfounded… no accident, no police check point… just nothing, nothing, nothing.

 

I’ll rather use a Google map

 

No one knows it all… it’s like everyone is new in town. Ask three different people for directions, you are getting three different answers but most times, if lucky, they might just end up in the same destination. But really, Google map works

 

 

What Fashola’s boys have done

 

The baba was like “No o, I cannot carry two people in front, no way… young man please, fasten your seat belt and close my door” not because he really cannot carry two people in front but because…“At my age and marital status, I should now be kneeling down to beg a 23 years old boy to take 25,000 naira so as to release my car”. For some, the fear of LASTMA is the beginning of Wisdom.

 

 

We can only become friends on one condition

 

It is not difficult to make friends as it were, all you need is to patronize all those who sell… then watch as they defend you when you’re in trouble… but make sure you patronize them and give them a nick name… its easier that way.

 

 

Keeping it green

“We have not had water for some days now and the flowers keep receiving water every day…” excerpt from the book of lamentations of a Lagos resident. Project Green Lagos is that serious, the flowers must be taken care of, and the city must be the next big thing.

 

 

So much for A city…

@YemiOlutoye

Post Author: Yemi Olutoye

Living on Instructions. I am a New media enthusiast | Content Curator | Writer | Economist

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